Louise Miller is a geek. In love with High School football jock Brad Power, she wishes only to be popular enough to attract his attention. After an encounter with the mysterious Madame Serena, she learns that she’s in fact a Teen Witch and has untapped powers. Initially she uses them to get back at her mercilessly cruel English teacher, her gross brother Richie and the girls who tease her, but as her powers progress, things get more and more out of control. She uses a Popularity Spell to win Brad’s heart, and to the track ‘Popular Girl’ – perhaps the single most 80’s montage in the history of the decade, we see the whole school feverishly tapped into ‘Louise Mania’. Doubting Brad’s true feelings beyond the charm of the spell, she goes to the High School Dance to find if he loves the real Louise Miller.
It’s almost Halloween and so it’s time for Crap Film Club to serve up something truly terrifying! Originally planned as a female version of Teen Wolf (using the same logo, tagline and basic story), Teen Witch is one of those unexplainable 80’s outings that just about works. Barely a conceivable plot point to be found, the movie cost $2,500,000 to make but recouped only 1% of its budget at the box office (it subsequently found a cult audience on cable TV), yet dive in and you can’t fail to be entertained. It’s films like this where you can witness that famous 80’s vision of American High Schools. Musical numbers erupting in unison in the girls locker-room, horrendously dressed ‘Dudes’ rapping in the corridors, all manner of eyeshadow and colour clashes make this a cringe-worthy crap classic!
Hose yourself down with hairspray, slip into a polka dot mini-skirt and leggings, or adorn yourself with claws, fangs and fake blood (there’ll be prizes for the best Halloween and/or 80’s attire), and join us to enjoy the film that is everything awful and amazing about that infamous decade. Sing-a-long to “I Like Boys” and “Top That” (yep, we’re printing out the lyrics for everyone). Wonder why Louise’s brother kind of looks like a sister. Feast on ghoulish crap snacks and enjoy scarily bad music videos. It’s going to be a monster of a night, so don’t miss it!
Tickets: £3.50 (adv.) / £4.50 (door).
“There are good movies, there are bad movies, there are movies that are so bad they’re good and then there is Teen Witch” – New York Post
“If you’ve never seen the original rap scene from Teen Witch, you must immediately stop what you’re doing and watch it right now” – Nerve.com
“”Top That” (is) the worst song of all time” – Huffington Post